Erik Raymond, pastor at Emmaus Bible Church in Omaha, asks, “Are you playing ‘Prevent Defense’ in your marriage?” He explains:
“At the end of a football game often times the defensive team will collapse back to prevent a big play in order to preserve their lead. This defensive scheme is appropriately entitled a ‘prevent defense’. The goal is to prevent the big-play that would jeopardize their lead. The concession, of course, is that they are willing to give up some yards.
“This defensive strategy works for short periods of time and only in particular situations of a game. It would be a laughable strategy for the entire game or if you were losing. There is simply too much yardage conceded and the game clock would become an enemy.
“When we think about marriages, it appears that many people, particularly men, rely upon a “prevent defense” approach. Their philosophy is that the outcome is secure and they are simply trying to prevent the big-play. They are “playing” to prevent divorce, major unhappiness, or personal discomfort. This is deadly for a marriage. Marriages that employ this scheme are in trouble because, instead of actively trying to improve, they are characterized by a slow decline or are content to just ‘hold the line’.
“This is absolutely unacceptable for us as Christians.”
So, what is the solution? Raymond answers that we must be intentional to develop four types of intimacy:
- Mental Intimacy
- Emotional Intimacy
- Spiritual Intimacy
- Physical Intimacy
Raymond concludes:
“A good marriage is never an accident. It takes hard, intentional work over a long period of time. It requires submission to God’s Word and a desire to joyfully reflect the gospel. Far from simply preventing disaster Christians should intentionally pursue excellence in their marriage.”
Read the full article (here) for an explanation of each point.